hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
