I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
