About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
