Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
