I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
