is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
