I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
