Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
