Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
