He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize