You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
