So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
