My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
