i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
i believe in u and ur pee
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