I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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