It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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