I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
