the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
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Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
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im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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