i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
