You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
