sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
