I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Randomize
