I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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