I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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