I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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