Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
