I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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