Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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