she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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