I can text with my tongue
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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