"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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