smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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