I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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