Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
