Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
MIDGETS
????
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
