I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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