If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
