omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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