My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
