the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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