I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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