I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
