If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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