Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'd cum for enchiladas.
BRING THE BAGELS
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
