I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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