i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
