I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
