these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
