Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
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I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
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I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I still have a little drunk in my system
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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