Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
