im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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