The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize
