Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
