I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
