distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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