Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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