Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
