i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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