So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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