What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
