I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
