Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
