I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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