one word: firstdatebathroomanal
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
This house was built for laser tag.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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