i permit you to call me
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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