oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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