I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize