we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Your penis caused this!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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