38 yer olds are good kisserssss
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
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Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
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I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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