we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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