Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
