I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
