She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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