Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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