Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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