hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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