You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
