Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
