Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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