That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
how drunk are you?
Several
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
