if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
