No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
