I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
