Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
