I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
